Wanders..

Blog, Feelings, Uncategorized

-edited version

I am wide awake, wrapped up in my pyjamas listening to the queen Adele, I miss you. One of my favourite songs from her album. Well actually one of my all time favourite songs. I honestly can’t even explain how it makes me feel.  This song, it has so much depth to it. I wonder what the meaning was behind the lyrics for her.

I got a little carried away with talking about Adele. So here is what I have come to write.

Get ready for a long post; I think this may be my first ever long post, so enjoy. My heart longs for the day I will fall in love and be loved.

In this day and age, it seems as if  people are afraid of falling in love. Their minds run to all that can go wrong before the relationship has even been allowed to blossom. What a shame. I would be lying if I said I didn’t understand, you are about to give your whole heart to someone.

Heartbreak is inevitable, we must learn this, we must begin to accept it. Our hearts break from numerous relationships, from our relationship with our parents, to our friends, to objects. We shouldn’t fear heartbreak but rather embrace it. 

I have never been in love, one upon a time I really did think I was. But I was young and foolish and I had mistaken lust for love. (A common mistake.)

I want to know what love is, like true love. I remember a time I believed we love every one the same but we don’t, love differs with each relationship; whether that being a sibling, an object, a family member, a friend or a partner etc.

I want to know and understand what it is like to be madly and deeply in love with someone. To run my fingers through the structure of their bodies. To learn them beyond their imagination. I imagine love being so warming.

I have read a few quotes that excite me about love. I am going to search for them, so bare with me.. (not as if you really have to wait, but I’m exiting this page and going on safari.)

She asked ‘you are in love, what does love look like’ to which i replied ‘like everything I’ve ever lost come back to me. ~ Nayyirah Waheed 

Being with him made me want to make my own dreams, discover my own path. I was my best self when I was with him. ~ Heather Anastasiu

Okay, so I couldn’t find all the ones I love but these are two of my favourites.

The first one gives me goosebumps. How beautiful? The thought of loving someone could make you feel like everything you ever lost coming back to you in the form of love. That they could give you so much love, that it fills all the empty spaces you feel within yourself.

Love is a gamble, it really is. You’re giving your heart to someone and in that moment they have your heart in the palm of their hands. They can either crush it or match their heart with it. You’re allowing your heart to be loved and for your heart to love.  The pain of a heartbreak is physical. Once upon a time I used to hear people saying they could literally feel their heart breaking. -impossible-. I used to think, “don’t be absurd.” Although I began to painfully realise that you truly can feel your heart breaking, the aching, the pounding and the shattering is so loud you almost believe others can hear it.

I want to fall asleep next to another body, a body of someone I love. I want to watch their eyes close whilst they fight sleep because they too are gassing into my eyes, to watch and hear them breathing. To wake up the next morning with their presence. To think how lucky I am.

Love isn’t meant to be perfect.

I think I long to be in a relationship and to be in love purely because I am surrounded by so many people who are and how happy they seem when they speak about their partners. I want to know what being in love is like. I want to know what it’s like to have someone love me, I want to know someone is scared to loose me, someone is proud to have me as their partner. Uh my heart longs to be in love.

Love to me is like being “home”. Most of love our homes, it is our safe place. I believe as humans we find homes and safe havens in others too. 

I will wait a lifetime, figuratively speaking for my one, the right one, “the love of my life”. I have so much love to give and so much to offer as a partner, so when I get angry, lonely or upset about why I am still single I remember that I am destined for someone who deserves me, my heart and all I have to offer and remember to trust God and his timing.

Ugh, I hate third wheeling. I hate seeing public affection, I can’t stand using tinder and the other numerous dating sites, I hate hearing about love stories. I never go cinemas to watch romantic genre movies because they portray “happy endings” and I am still waiting for mine and also the movies LIE. Do not get confused, I do not believe in movie and storybooks “happy endings”. I know exactly what type of “happy ending” I await for.

When you are waiting for your “happy ending” remember to keep it realistic.

If you could separate my heart and my body, you would see it is only my heart that is longing for love. Other people it’d be both, I can’t explain what I mean, but I understand myself. -laughing-

My heart is longing for another heart to beat the same rhythm. To feel connected. My hearts lonely, it has been for a long while. I believe being in love will make me feel whole. -I am not looking for someone to save me or my heart- but to just simply love me and I can’t wait to go on that adventure.

I daydream about falling in love near enough all day; what if I have set the bar so high? What if love is not everything I have made it out to be?

We have to stop worrying about what may go wrong and just trust ourselves and enjoy the experience. The experience may be life long or temporary, regardless it’s an experience. Embrace it.

I hope if you’re reading this and your single, be open to falling in love. Don’t be scared of it. Enjoy the path that it is going to take you on, whether you look at it as an experience, learning lesson, a memory or following you heart ENJOY IT! 

But my darlings, be wise who you give your heart and time to. They can easily crush it. 

My point is, don’t go into a relationship with negativity. Don’t go into love with your ex past hurt. Don’t go into a relationship with only fears. Don’t go into love for the wrong reasons.

Falling in love is one of the best experience we have the pleasures of experiencing! 

Regardless of what people may say, love is something I looking forward to in my life. Just like being a wife, mother and grandmother.

-These are exciting things to look and wait for. Things to keep me sane.-

Books (a happy post!)

Uncategorized

 

What I have always loved about books, is the adventures they take you on. How in your mind you paint your very own picture, you visualise the characters; it’s almost like you’re right there in the story with them! I always loved/still do love that feeling.

You begin the book, not knowing what to expect. I feel like with movies, you already have an assumption of how the story line will go and most the time you end up being right. You don’t have any real emotion with the characters. Although with books, you still do assume but I have came to a realisation you are unlikely to guess how the story ends and even if you do end up guessing, there are numerous little twists and turns that you weren’t expecting. You have an attachment to the character/s.

*giggles to oneself*. I always end up falling in love with a character. This happens more with movies and TV series, just because I don’t read as much as I used to. Why is it that we do end up falling in love with these characters?

I always have a warm feeling reading romance books, they’re my favourite. How funny is it that I HATE romantic movies but love romance books? I always end up falling with the male characters in the books as if one day I am going to meet them?

Reading books is amazing! You literally are taken on an adventure! You go into your own little bubble and who doesn’t love an escape to their little happy bubble! I hope to fall in love with a new character soon, go on an adventure with them etc.. so if you have any great book suggestions regardless of the genre, please comment.

X