Denial..

Blog, Feelings

“If you’re in denial, you’re trying to protect yourself by refusing to accept the truth about something that’s happening in your life”

I turned a year older this year and I have been in denial about it; pretending it never happened, still stating I am a year younger. I refuse to believe that this event ever happened. I never thought I would be where I am at this age.

There are so many things I am in denial about in regards to my life. I don’t want to believe that they are really happening. Now, being in denial is dangerous. Not accepting the truth about ones life is DANGEROUS; but I am finding so much comfort from it than the harsh reality. Which again, is also dangerous.

Do you ever wake up in the morning and for a split second you think your whole life has been a dream? And for that split second you start smiling. Then BANG reality sets in.

..There you are living the life you never imagined you would being living.

People always state it is never too late to start over, keep going, to chase you dream, everything will be okay etc. I hate that shit. People seem to think they know you better than you know yourself and your life. As if you have not been constantly trying and constantly being knocked down?

Do you know what true heartbreak is?.. Looking at baby pictures of yourself and seeing how happy you once were as a child. It breaks my heart looking at how happy I was previous years, like really happy. These days I look at pictures of myself with a fake, empty smile. As a child you have no worries really, you don’t even think about how your life may turn out for the wort but instead you make up this wonderful life plan and when it doesn’t fall through, it’s heartbreaking.

I am never going to give up (I hope), I owe it to the little girl I once was to make this life everything I had dreamt it to be, everything I had promised myself to have.

Denial can be so dangerous, not accepting the truth about your life and not accepting responsibilities can quickly spiral out of control. Crazily sometimes we do it unconsciously.

This year one of the many things I want, is to be able to accept whatever is going on with my life instead of running away from it.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s