The never ending silence.
So, I had to edit what I originally wrote.
I really am trying to learn how to be alone, to accept it, to not ache for others but it’s hard. The silence is unbearable. I rely on my TV and music to keep me distracted and it works, but it works for a short period of time and then that distraction ends. You catch yourself realising you have finished over 4 movies but haven’t really watched those movies because subconsciously you’re mind is somewhere else. And there you are, slipping back into that LOUD silence.
I often find myself day dreaming about waking up in a new country where NO ONE knows my name, I have been given a second chance of re-starting my life, learning from my mistakes, learning not to trust so easily, not to rely so hard, not to love so unconditionally. How wonderful would it be to wake up in a new country where no one knows you?
(I was about to encounter a HUGE MISTAKE; I was about to unmask my identity, my real name!) I have chosen to stay private and anonymous for so many reasons, which I will cover in a blog post… eventually. Maybe if I hadn’t trusted and opened up to so many people, it would be more bearable. Do you know what it feels like not being able to rely on anyone but yourself?
I see others with large group of friends or even small groups of friends and I envy them. I used to be them, I always thought I would be them but here I am with only 4 people I believe I can truly count on and even them I have my doubts. Annoyingly I am having to turn my laptop away as I have a nosy parent, well really not nosy perhaps worried but this isn’t for their eyes. So I open a tab up and I am scrolling through Facebook and what a coincidence I find this article:
This post, is everything and more that I feel about certain friendships. Only a few I really am heartbroken that ended. I feel like they could of helped me through this. The only difference I would say is that I did work for my friendships but I got exhausted.
I promise, my blogs will involve happy posts sooner or later!
I haven’t really found a way to finish my blogs, lols so goodbye for now!